the non-basement basement

So. We dealt with all the conditions but one. And that is:

"As lowest story is the first story, the upper second story requires a 10 foot setback. Variance to the bylaw is required for the proposed second story seven foot setback."

In other words, our basement isn't a basement. Nevermind that you access it by coming in through the front door and going down stairs. Nevermind that half of it is unfinished concrete with no windows and the rest has high, small basement windows. Nevermind that it isn't "living space." No. Nevermind logic, common sense, or intuition. Our basement isn't deep enough in the ground to be a basement by, on average, 4.5 inches. Due, in part, to the lack of depth of the Uncle Louie Special and its weird little room/non-room. To recap, our basement, sorry, I mean first storey is floor space, but not living space. Welcome to the other side of the looking glass.

The lack of depth from ground level makes our home a "two-storey." I will eventually attach a photo here of my neighbours' home. They have often said they should sell to us, as we need the space. And we all laugh HA HA HA. Them, because they are generally good-humoured folk, and us because we know damn well that their house is worth over $800K and it is well out of our price range. So our HA HA HA is tinged with a little hysteria. They have a two-storey for two people. And now, so do we, only ours is worth over $200K less, has half the space, five folks and a dog. HA HA HA.

We are permitted a 3800 square foot home on our lot, but only 2400 feet can be above 2'4" below grade (that is, ground level). A 3800 square foot home is more than we need. Yes, it would be lovely (an ensuite, an ensuite), but unnecessary. Our current home is about 2400 feet including the basement and the garage, but they don't include the garage as floor space, so we have a couple of hundred feet to play with.

Except...

If we were a bungalow, we could add to our home to 5 feet from our property line. But now that we are a two-storey, we can only add to our "second storey" to 10 feet from the property line. None of our house is 10 feet from the property line. So, our existing house is non-conforming.

Our options were presented: lift your house, dig out your basement. $10K for the original house and who knows for Uncle Louie. That doesn't include drains, electrical, plumbing, drywalling. Or we could fill a portion of our basement with gravel and make it a crawl space. Because that makes sense. To build a kitchen extension. Upstairs.

After some thought, Scotch, and copious swearing, we decided to pursue the variance. Bet you've never seen any of this on HGTV...