Building Permit Fiasco

It's taken me a while to post this blog because mostly I want to scream when I think about it. Really, our reno attempts are more "Parks and Recreation" and less "HGTV."

We got our variance on November 14th. I waited a week, then City Hall called and said, "so are you coming in to sign this or what?" I was a little knocked back because they had said they would call when it was ready and now were implying that I was an idiot for not coming in immediately, but whatever...

We both had to sign since the house is jointly owned. Went in and signed it.

So now we have a variance. Four variances in fact. BUT NO BUILDING PERMIT.

This means we can do the following:

a. twiddle our thumbs
b. diddly squat
c. bang our heads against the wall
d. all of the above

You see, a week AFTER the variance was approved, I got a call from the head of the building department. I imagine the Ron Swanson character from "Parks and Recreation" in his circular desk as he's talking to me. That's me in the background as Ron slowly swivels away from me - swivel, Ron, swivel.

The conversation went something like this:

Him: "Which plans are you moving ahead with? You have a lot of different plans here. I can't make heads or tails of it."

Me: [stunned silence]

Him: Yeah. There are some submitted in August, then more in September, and a third set here in October.

In my head: The plans that are stapled to the variance request. The variance request that was sitting in front of you at two different council meetings. The variance request that all the councillors were looking at - with the plans - attached to it - in the meetings - the meeting in.which.you.said, "I do not have any issues with the plans as presented." TWICE. In two different council meetings. A month apart. On record. In the minutes. The plans that you clearly HADN'T LOOKED AT.

Me out loud: The plans that we are moving ahead with are the ones that are attached to our variance request. The request that was approved last week.

In my head: You remember? The meeting YOU WERE IN? With the plans? That you said you had no issues with as presented????

Him [swiveling]: Well. It's very confusing. I didn't see that there was this space under the kitchen. That is going to impact your floor space.

Me: Yes. That is why we applied for a variance. Which was approved.

In my head: BY YOU! APPROVED BY YOU! YOU WERE THERE!!!

Him: Oh well. I thought that was just for the garage.

In my head: You didn't read the plans?? Are you KIDDING ME???

Him: Well, I'll have to look this over. We'll need a cross-section, vacuum blah blah blah blah... You know, this is why we usually deal with contractors, architects, or designers. Now, I know that your designer is away...

In my head: Is he calling ME unprofessional??? Is he suggesting that this is MY fault??

Me: Yes, I see.

In my head: NO, I DO NOT SEE. Swivel, Ron, swivel.

So I emailed the contractor, Dave, and the designer. This is what I said, "I can no longer trust myself to be civil. Can someone else take this on please before I say something I regret?"

And that's where we're at. The contractor is putting together the vacuum blah blah whatever and the designer has submitted the cross-section required. And again, we wait. Hell, it's only been 4 months for a 2-3 week process. What's the hurry?